You’d think as I grow older, I would have chosen a more intricate, less colloquial title right?

Wrong.

I’m caffeinated and now I can’t sleep, yet I have to wake up at 3am for my 4am swim class. 

I hate not being able to fall asleep, because my mind wanders on the most unnecessary things. Things like, “How are you?” “Have you been dating well?” “I am happy to see you happy.”

How long will it take for me to work hard, until I can finally settle down and find the one, so that I can move on for once? 

But right now, I can’t even manage as my cadence of my heart palpitation grew faster, as I breathe heavy, taking one breath at a time. I am self aware, yet I self destruct.

Maybe I need more work, things I tell myself, in the midst of the gaslight. In reality, I do, and they are mountainous, and I can’t seem to say no. I need to prove myself better. Oh no, I screwed up, and I can’t do damage control. I speak ill of others, yet I don’t see the girl in the mirror. 

And yet I still have the audacity to feel empty? I’m deluding myself for sure. 

Get to work girl, and then we talk.

(This is what happens when I live a sedentary lifestyle for ONE week, I just immediately got myself into yapanese literature.)