it’s foreign to me

when you speak my language 

because no guy has ever done that for me

you spell out the words for me

when i am unable to

you understand i am going through something

perhaps this is another delusion

or denial

whatever you call it

but you too don’t blatantly spell out

what i’m about to say

and so i repeat this in my head

because my brain is foggy

you should be the last thing i think about

but i chose to frontload you

despite the turbulence

thank you for waiting for me

at the finish line

i’ll have to tell myself

maybe you’re only here for a while

before somebody else takes you away

and that perhaps you weren’t meant to be mine to begin with

but oh dear god i hope so

but calm down dear self

because i know me

i am not capable of loving someone else yet

when i wake up everyday

saying harsh things to myself

but a little tough love won’t hurt

it could be a fuel

for me to do better

and that’s what i shall do

so thank you

for the promise

i don’t know if you’d break it

but it gave me hope

that i can give my all 

sort this one thing out

and i can run to you

when the time is oh so right