"With every action, there is a reaction"
- Isaac Newton

Or something like that. I'm not a f*cking engineering student, so don't beat me to it.

A lot of tiny little things have bothered me lately. It's like noises and I shouldn't be thinking about it that much.

Yesterday, I got triggered by somebody comparing me to someone my age but who is interning, joining all these organisations, so much so that Mahathir is her best friend etc, and the significant other had to add salt to the wound.

Maybe I will always be a disappointment to the family, maybe I will always be that person...

(this was written a few weeks ago, then my little boy Ajim came running to me as he just got back from school and I opened my arms wide to give him a tight hug and silently cried while hugging him. Poor boy, he didn't even know why I was crying at that point. The power of a hug)

I did it guys, I did the procrastination thing again. Now my life is a mess. And I felt the need to see a Julie 2.0.

I'm just gonna TLDR because it's almost 1am and I have an article due. I guess as usual, ye girl has issues again. And she realises that there's not much time left to fix it. But also realises that time is all she needs. And that gives her anxiety. That allows her to overthink and eventually explodes.

But yoga helps. She's been doing a lot of yoga. And she's been seeing a Julie 2.0, but thanks to technology she doesn't literally have to see Julie 2.0. She brought forward her issues to Julie 2.0 and in return she got this,

The reason as to why this thing is shown is for her own reference, please don't accuse her as attention-seeking. She really needed this.

Anyways, she is also reminded of why she has no guy friends and that why no one really wants to be with her by her closed ones. Because she doesn't care for herself. She doesn't dress well when she goes out, she doesn't take good care of herself, she rather goes out by herself than asking friends to hang with them. She also believes that she's losing friends. Her friends refuses to talk to her. Is there something wrong with her? She wishes her friends should talk to her about what she did wrong instead of ghosting her. Gosh, she feels like a freaking 15-year old.

Also her procrastinating ass has led her to emails from her many bosses asking why she is not writing content. She is stressed and writing 3 posts in 1am (including this one) (omg is she procrastinating by voluntarily writing this instead of her paid ones??) You bet she is.

But in the midst of the chaos, she learnt that she should still find gratitude so this is what she is grateful for this week:

- her mom, despite how she always makes her mom upset her mom still supports her through whatever she's doing. More importantly, her mom is the only person who supports her current hobby, and she really appreciates it still.
- her friends, even though she's shy to ask her friends out, when she does, her friends immediately says yes to her, and sometimes she feels like a d*ck for not knowing that her friends are on holiday hence were always free to meet up with her anyways.
- her cousins, because little kids are the best people to snuggle, they are like stress balls and silent therapists you didn't even know you needed.
- despite her academic mess, she knows that in future, she wants to have a career in writing.