There are many types of disappointment. The disappointment when you’ve developed a crush on a handsome boy and he turns out to be yet another guy who flirts with any girl that happens to cross his path. The disappointment you get when a community disregards your presence in any way possible. But the worst kind of disappointment is when you realise that the people who you deem are your friends, don’t actually want to be friends with you, nor do they care about you anymore.

All of us know friendships are a two-way communication. I admit, I used to try so hard to belong in a group. You can just ask all the popular kids back in primary school and how I tried my very best to be their friend, it was embarrassing. And for what? It’s not like they cared about me. To them, I was a nobody.

Maybe that’s why I don’t favour people in squads or gangs so much. They make this sort of allegiance that they will stick with each other so much that they won’t allow other people in. I don’t blame them, really. That’s what friends are for.

So what happens to anomalies like us?

I used to think I had these friends who care about me, as much as I cared about them. Until a friend told me exactly how I evaluate my friendship with people; I expect people to treat me the same way as I treat them.

Well, reality sucks. It hurts when people don’t care about you as much as you do for them. They rather be in a group of cooler friends than with someone like me.

It’s the same as people who deem themselves as an elitist, I am excluded, as much as I try to include myself in, I get kicked right out. Just because they’ve already established a group for themselves, they feel like they have the authority to exclude other people. Which defeats the purpose of “being inclusive”.

I am disappointed, and unfortunately, I don’t have control in changing how people think about mex

And because of this, I need to let go.