It is now Week 3 of the second term of university. How? 

I have submitted my assignments, took a bit of a break by going to London, having more self-dates and watched some TV shows on Netflix. 

It's already Week 3 and I have four deadlines coming up. Honestly, I thought I had it all control. This term, I chose more modules which require a LOT of reading. Last term, I took Behavioural Economics and I have only started taking notes this week. I wasn't able to keep up with the readings last time because honestly it was too much. But I have been researching on ways to read more efficiently and have spoken to people who take reading-based courses like Law, History and English Literature and apparently there are some good techniques that I can try. I'll try again and hopefully will be able to catch up with all of my readings this term as well. And also try not to be anxious for not being able to fully read ALL the things on the reading list, that's not how reading efficiently works. 

I also have to think about my dissertation. I only have 7 weeks left till I am left by my own to do an independent study. So I am clinging on to my supervisor as much as possible. Honestly, I have a rough idea on what to do. But I don't have the right variables required to perform my regression model! Gah! Okay, think of it like a science project. We already have a hypothesis, and methodology. All we need is the apparatus and materials for the project to be executed and to achieve the results. I am now still struggling to get the right materials for this project and I AM FREAKING OUT. I panicked so much that I bailed out on my swimming session today and decided to go home to calm myself down. Honestly, I hate it when this happens. I hate having anxiety, but I guess I just gotta do it. Last Tuesday, I had a good swim session, so much that I slept for 12 hours! It's honestly atrocious. How the hell did I end up like this? From then on, I realised that swimming can actually be very dangerous hhahaha. I've been reading up on things to do to prevent swimming fatigue and I was told to go for a short run or cycle after the swim?! Crazy.

I could do it, but I only have half an hour to get ready for my next lecture after the swimming session. Before anyone asks, I really need to swim okay. It's the only thing keeping me sane, I'm trying my best to avoid dancing because dancing can be pretty distracting, because all I want to do is post my dance videos on social media, making me more distracted when I'm supposed to be studying. So I had a good reason to temporarily give dancing a break. So swimming is all I have left. And I didn't even do it today.

There's always tomorrow I guess.

But gah! This dissertation! What do I do? Doing a science project is a lot more cooler than typing tab [variable] on Stata on not getting the variable I need for my regression model! I don't want to disappoint my supervisor, I don't want her to think I'm lazy and always in constant need of her help because I am trying. More importantly, I don't want to disappoint myself. I keep praying to God to help me see the clear picture on what I have to do for my dissertation, but I can't even start because I don't have the right variable. I was really happy when I thought I had the right dataset, I really don't want to change anything. And on top of this, I have to keep up with my reading lists.

At this point, I really am not thinking about my grades. I genuinely love the modules I'm taking right now, even when I am ranting about the endless amount of reading lists I need to do. This term, I am taking two modules. I purposely took modules which have no seminars solely so that I can put my focus on my dissertation and revision for my first term modules. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes as I did last year, when I thought I had time to revise, but Warwick effed up our exam timetable and shifted our exams to a month before, causing me to have lack of time to study. The anxiety is not worth it, so please, for the love of God, Aynn. Manage your anxiety and just get on with it.

Oh, and in the process of calming my anxiety, I did a Myers-Briggs Personality Test. I always get ENFJ, and what did I get this time?

To be fair, it really is a confidence booster knowing that I have the same personality as Barack Obama and my girl Malala Yousafzai. The analysis is so accurate that it's really creepy how true it is. Forget zodiac signs, this really is the real deal. This one hits me most.