The Art of Letting Go
12:01 PM
I was very close to deleting my original short story of Day 6, but I'd like to clarify the things I feel I could have said better, and this time I have to learn to admit my mistakes.
First, I have been angry about the current situation that is happening, if you've been keeping track with my stories, you'd know what I'm talking about (if you've reached this point, you'll definitely know), but if you're one to just tap my stories away, TLDR; there's something terribly wrong with my former education institution. It started with the Youtube video by this MRSM teacher discussing about r*pe, and in a way, asking the girls to dress more appropriately. I don't want to comment any more on this, as you've probably heard loads of them on Twitter already. Update: He issued an apology and the change.org petition has been taken down. This issue has inspired victims to speak out on their own experiences in being sexually harassed, and one hits too close to home, because the incident happened at my old school.
I was so angry, it brought up the trauma from my past. Hence, the short story of the things that have happened to me back in my former school. I was talking about this to someone, who gave me a better perspective. "The victim was sexually harassed, you were being bullied, so you should not equate your experience to this person."
So with that, I would genuinely like to apologise, for being so angry. I'm still trying to learn, so I truly apologise. I can never understand how it feels to be in the victim's position, and I hope to God, I don't have to experience it. Of course, I have to keep my guards up, but I stand with those who have experienced any form of assault. Be it physical, verbal or sexual. I am with you.
As I recall being so angry to the institution that caused me years of trauma, and lack of self-esteem and self-worth, I realised that it was something that I find hard to let go of. I may be vocal about my thoughts, but I know there are others who also feel the same way, in a way we are
unable to let go.
As you read this, you may ask yourself, "why should I let go of something that has caused me so much pain?". I attended a webinar last night by Mizi Wahid, which is quite timely with my current situation, because he said, "sometimes, forgiving the person who caused us pain does not make what they did acceptable, but it helps you to move on and find peace." "It is when we keep allowing them to abuse us over and over again, that's when it becomes our fault"
Forgiveness does not mean you agree with the other person, it just means that we have too many things in front of us to allow things behind us to hold us back
- Mizi Wahid
So maybe it's time for me to let go of all the things they've said to me. Gosh, it is so hard to even type this without tearing up, I can still hear this person telling me I'm overweight, and I don't deserve to be seen by guys because of how ugly I am. It's so so hard, I just wanted that person to apologise you know? But I guess I'll never get that apology. And other girls (and even guys) have to go through worse, and yet they're so so strong.
I'm in a much better situation now, and can only hope that the future generation does not have to go through the same toxic culture my friends and I had to go through. I realise that everyone is affected, one way or another. And that, at least, now, we are aware of it.
The reality is that, we can't change the system just yet. We can talk all we want, but it'll only backtrack, because we are still, unfortunately considered as the younger generation who doesn't know any better.
But what we can do is to make ourselves credible. We can continue to educate ourselves, again and again. Speak up about pressing matters, keep your mind open if someone argues with your belief, and respect them. And hope that one day, maybe we can define a generation with a better system. We can only hope.
And to my friends, do not fret, we will get through these rough patches, together.
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