Running to God
4:21 AMIt was 8pm.
He drops the bomb.
He drops the bomb.
^ wrote the above two days after the incident. Let me re-tell the story now that it's been a month since it happened.
8 November - 7.40pm
Talked to a new colleague. While talking, I received a text from him. He sent a sad song. I sent him a more uplifting song, "Running Up That Hill (A Deal with God)" by Kate Bush. I was stressed and sleepy, so I needed a song to lift me up. But nothing prepared me for what was to come.
"Since you're sleepy, I'll ask something that'll perk you up
Been wanting to ask for a while anyway
Would you be okay if I approach your friend?
the one you had breakfast and lunch with."
My friend.
The one and only friend.
The one and only friend.
The one guy I was fawning over,
wanted to approach my friend.
My friend of 7 years.
The friend I spent an hour talking while I was on holiday as she cries about the guy who hurt him.
The friend who motivates me to shoot my shot to whoever I fancy.
The same friend I always talk about him with.
The friend whom I cling unto when my life was turning to shit.
Speechless.
Awake.
*Running Up That Hill intro plays*
It doesn't hurt me
Yeah, yeah, yeah
(It shouldn't hurt me, right?)
Do you wanna feel how it feels?
Do you wanna know, know it doesn't hurt me? (yeah, yeah, yeah)
SHIT.
I need to run.
Went to the bathroom. First person I reached out to was my mum. My number one supporter. The one who rooted me with him.
"We were wrong this whole time. He likes someone else."
Second, my closest friend of all time, whom I just told that he was the sole reason I'm okay.
"The hyperfixation didn't work."
4 more minutes to Isya.
Shoot, I haven't prayed Maghrib.
Be running up that road
Be running up that hill
Be running up that building
Even after all this chaos that's happening
I end up running to God.
Running to chase that last few moments of prayer.
Running to Him because I have no one else.
"Never cling to people who are temporary,
cling unto
ME"
Think that's the end of it? Of course not. I had to go back to him, and send him home.
"So when did you start liking her?"
"Oh, not too long ago really.
Just that I saw the picture you took of her, the one you posted on your Story.
It's the angle that you took the picture from, but she looks pretty."
Mind you, it was me driving him home. Me. The one who pulled a surprise party for him. The one who consistently sent him to the nearest train station even if it is an inconvenience for me. The one who is always there for him at my expense. The one who harboured feelings for him.
We make a good team, so why did he have to ruin that?
I left him at the train station. He just lost his privilege in getting a lift to this train station, forever.
I went home and cried to my mum.
Despite all that's happened, she is the first to see me crumble.
I started praying tahajud a week back. I asked God for an answer. He gave it to me so easily - this person, is just a mere ship passing through the night.
This is why running to God is always the way to go.
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