I’m turning 25 and I’m partially awake. I am after all, a 5 year-old adult.

I discovered the beauty of letting go of Instagram. I started it more than a decade ago. To tell you the truth, I only had it on at the tail end of it because I wanted the guy I had feelings for to know what I am up to. I update every little thing that happened to me. I wanted replies from a guy who was stringing me along, with an intention to ask my beautiful friend out. I felt like that main character in a movie I watched 6 years ago, “DUFF”. 

More importantly, I had hardships I need escaping. But what did escaping ever help me with? I ended up being someone unpleasant, I just kept escaping into the clasp of those who don’t even care about me. I escape to see the performers in the K-pop industry with perfect bodies, as if that made me feel any better. 

I saw stories of those who succeed right after I failed. I saw stories of those with perfect families, those with huge smiles with their partners, weddings, weddings and more weddings.

It made me realise, is it true? Am I really someone undesirable? Am I really stupid? Am I going to let this form of escapism define my self-worth?

I said goodbye to Instagram after much thought. It’s been 2 months since I let go of the thing I held onto as my life was hanging by a thread. 

But boy, was life more peaceful afterwards.

I started dressing like someone I wanted to be. I started admitting that I was at fault and apologised to those I’ve hurt. I lowered my ego. I started truly working hard, without expecting life to change, because only God can do that for me. I started genuinely relying on God. I put the people I care about (and reciprocate) first. I let go of those who gave me the bare minimum.

That’s when I started being happy. 

I’m turning 25 this year, and I’m still finding my way to life. I still have plans but it’s okay if it falls short, because I know now for a fact that God has something better for me. The key to self-loving is truly Allah-loving. 

And once you truly understand this magic formula, you know for a fact, that you’ll survive the storm.