Attempting to mature is uncomfortable. Because it is now up to you to decide what is right or wrong. Making the "wise" decision, apologising, ensuring damage control, monitoring yourself, wanting to achieve so many things yet fall short on some of them, being disciplined and at the same, not be too hard on yourself. 

This is one of the biggest decision I have to make. I prayed to God about this, I like how this blog has become a safe space for me to talk about religion. It feels like sometimes, I am all alone. But I really am not, because Allah is truly there for me. I have learnt that some people do not understand the struggles I face, and that shouldn't dishearten me because they are after all, humans. I should believe in God, one way or another!

So in an attempt to make the right decision, I aimed to frequently start praying Istikharah, because I realised no matter how big or small your decision is, it is only with Allah's blessings that you can succeed. While I'm at this, I'd like to share with you a story. I once did pray whether a specific person is right for me, the immediate signal was that - yes, he liked me back! I shall proceed with telling him I like him dearly!  

I never had the chance to because he completely cut me off afterwards. Looking back, Allah wanted me to experience that feeling of rejection, and despite the feelings always appearing out of nowhere when he comes back, it did teach me some things about myself - that I like those who do the absolute bare minimum. If I ever feel the need to be in a close proximity with this person, I ask myself, "do you not love yourself?" 

The biggest recent decision I've made is rather uncertain to me. I pray that Allah supports me in my decision, albeit imperfect.