Tomorrow, I will be going to the battlefield, for the third time.

Some people may wonder, "why bother? You're already out of the place." 

For some reason, I am reminded of my blog post at the start of the year, The Swan Song. Life got in the way, but that didn't mean I forgot that my swan song is due. Yes, I am going back to war for my pride. Because for as long as I haven't finished composing my swan song, there will always be this sword hanging over my head, rocks on my shoulders, weighing on me. 

If anything, I have got nothing left to lose. As a hopeless romantic, I am also reminded of what a friend said as she urged me to confess my feelings to the guy I pined for years, "What are you waiting for? You've got nothing left to lose!". Similar to this, I have got nothing to lose. I am in a decent workplace, that allows me to grow, and more importantly, one that accommodates me in my agenda to redeem my pride. 

And apart from my pride, I realised why I'm so keen on doing this.

Part of me knows, that I actually truly like to learn, for the sake of learning.

Yes, I am not a scorer or a natural, but that doesn't mean I don't like seeking knowledge. No knowledge is not worth learning, even this. I am doing this solely to learn, because learning is an ibadah. 

"They can take away your promotion, and everything else, but they cannot take away your knowledge.", was what my manager said to me when I doubted myself and wanted to quit altogether. It's really ironic how my current manager has been the most supportive in my pursuit of this battle, despite on the surface, this may not benefit the team. But she is one of those whom I know value knowledge, and so I am indeed very blessed to be around knowledge seekers. 

Therefore, I will be that mirrorball, trying, and trying and trying, because really, I am not a quitter, and never will be.