By a stroke of luck, I was invited to speak at my old Kumon centre today. 

As I look into the eyes of the hopeful kids, I tell them, “I know coming here can be a drag sometimes, but don’t think your parents sent you here to torture you, they sent you here because they love you.” 

The parents then said to those kids, “make sure you become like her okay, work hard!”

And here I am with a matcha waffle I bought as part of my solo date ritual. The cafe is playing jazz music, and all I can hear is the whirring of coffee beans, the sound of the barista mixing the matcha powder with hot water, and some chatters from customers alike. The waiter comes up to me and nerd out about how the red bean in the waffle is made in Japan, and I tell him I am a second-time customer because the waffle is unforgettable, he wishes me a warm return.

Now that I am left to my own devices, I ask myself, “why would anyone want to be like me?”. Unfortunately, I am no longer the fiery kid who ever so badly wanted to complete Kumon, just in time before I depart to my boarding school. I am just - let’s not go there.

But thanks to that fiery kid, add maths was a breeze. I will forever remember the time when they had a senior-junior tutorial sesh on add maths, and I was supposed to have a senior, but I was told he bailed on me because I wasn’t attractive enough. But who cares, because I didn’t need anyone to help me anyways. In fact, I was able to teach my peers, and that’s the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done.

“What happened?”, is a question asked by many. I wish I know too. But at this juncture, I realised, it’s okay to finally be the person who does not know things. It’s okay to not be the best anymore. I have always climbed to the top too fast, that I have reached a point where I want to take a rest, even if it’s just for a while. Perhaps others do not need to rest, they can continue to soar. But they are them, and I am me.

After all, this matcha waffle is proof of that fiery kid’s hard work. I miss her a lot. So I will find a way to get her back, even if it means taking a step back.