I went for teambuilding this weekend.

When I reflect about my adulting years, I realise that every year there will come a point in time where I'm at my lowest. Except 2023, that was such a slayful, drama-free year. I was truly LOCKED IN and did not stop at anything to get to where I want to be.

Oftentimes my friends tell me my energy is infectious, and when I feel down, people feel the same. So I try my best to keep things to myself.

But I guess the sadness comes in various ways. I shared the same room with a manager, and she categorised the people in my department into two - the superstars and the general public. The superstars are the high flyer; the ones with the sexiest portfolios, and he ones that becomes naturally visible due to the nature of their portfolios. Hence, promotion comes easy for them. But being a superstar comes at an expense, bosses know that they do not have to be trained much, so a huge chunk of the department's work is offloaded to them - and they get burnt out.

Then, there are also the general public. They don't shine as much, but they work hard. They are reliable. They do the menial tasks, the bosses give them work that may not be as material to the department, but still requires attention to detail and a lot of time and hard work, but the successful implementation of it may not be reflected in their final performance review. When the superstars and the general public gets graded in a curve, the general public gets pushed to the tail end, eventually not getting compensated for their hard work, so they too, get burnt out. 

When asked how do the general public get what they deserve?

VISIBILITY

the eventual rat race of chasing for validation - is what one has to do, not even to get what they want, but what they need. 

and as much as you want to run away from it, you can't. You just have to play the rat race, because this will what get you to where you want to be. This is the game changer. This is lifestyle maintenance at its best.

But if the general public does not play the visibility game, what happens? They stay where they are, and learn to be happy that way. And that's when I realise, superstars will leave for greener pastures, but the general public, those who are here to do good, be useful, are the most reliable of them all. 

The general public can either choose to stay where they are, or eventually have that Eureka moment that, hey, I deserve so much better than this.

I am one of those general public in this department filled with super stars. At one point, I come to office feeling awful, because I know I can't measure up to them. But dear god, is the job fulfilling. I may not be the best, but I really love what I do. And my hands are tied because unfortunately, this passion trumps the mistreatment. 

I read back at this blog, the things I wrote in the past, I realised I have always been hard on myself. I wonder why people see me as someone bright, when in reality I am just the most sensitive person. A colleague tells me it's a gift, and that I should use it only at the right time. Switch it off when the sensitivity makes you too negative. My managers tell me I'm 80% there, and part of me knows I'm still a little half baked. And I am not ready yet to go out there. 

So I'll go talk to God about this, and hope that I reach the finishing line soon.