Another result popped in today, and I managed to get a poor result.

It is a bummer because this was a paper that I've worked really hard on and yet, I still managed to get a low mark. Also, half of today is a bad day, and I needed a place to vent. I'm on Day 3 of my social media detox (Blogger and WhatsApp excluded) so I can't really talk to people about it.

But it's a bummer really, because there's no undo button. And I've got to do really really well for my finals if I still want to get a good mark. I saw this statement on a Youtube video I was watching and it really got into me :'(

Enough with the self-pity. I think I do this all the time. I feel bummed out and it hurts even more because I thought I did well on the test. But I went through that paper and checked what went wrong and I realised, it is true, I didn't understand the module correctly. Lately, I've been adopting new study methods and doing a tried-tested approach to see which studying methods suit me the most. One of which is group/ dual studying. In which, I've started studying with friends. I think the problem is that both of us tend to memorise the formulas in the module instead of understanding what is the underlying theory and formula within the topic. And I think that's the reason why I could do so well during high school. It's because all I needed to do is memorise things, especially for Physics because I had no clue what was going on in that subject but still managed to get a decent mark. It doesn't work that way in university.

Today, I was halfway through yet another productivity slump, watching Shane Dawson's documentary about Jeffree Star until I got a severe headache and felt like throwing up. That's when I realised it's because I slept for way too long and ate too much for breakfast. My skin has also been acting up in this weather, it happens when I am back in Malaysia after being in the UK for so long.

I knew I had to get up and do something, and if you know me, you know that I am not an indoor person. So here I am in a library. I found a library nearby, would love to go to the library in Shah Alam because it is so much more scenic and spacious, but this will do. I've done some notes and practices for the module in which I almost failed, and tonight I will be Skyping with my friend who is studying Finance and will be asking her for help (she has a reputation for getting constant high results).

I need to step up my game. My existential crisis is long gone, but I've flunked my test once again. Hopefully, this will be the only time it happens.

I found this somewhere and will be posting it here just to ease my mind a bit.


PBEM stands for Post Bad Exam Mark I think.

Before I end this post, I will write a short poem, a mini promise to myself.

for education,
I will spark a fire that will not burn out,
I will do anything, if it means success in future.
for education,
I will throw my fuel of failures into the fire,
so the flames become bigger,
and I rise better in every drop of failure.
for education,
I will surrender myself,
because this is what a servant does,
for the betterment of dunya and akhirah.
for education,
I will give back to the ummah,
for the millennial to be better,
than what we are deemed to be.

I will work harder. InsyaAllah.