My Thursday swim sessions are the most torturous, but also the most fun. It’s why I keep coming back. We would start with a very hardcore swim set and the last half hour, the whole group would do a triathlon game. They will let us of according to mini groups, and I know the coach doesn’t explicitly say it, but he would rank us, and I would always be number four. Number ones to threes are usually those who swim pretty fast.

Sometimes, I don’t understand why they put me in the advanced group. In the sessions, they have two coaches, one for beginners and one for advanced. I am underchallenged for the beginners one but waaaay too slow for the advanced one. Every time I finish a session, I will always end up googling and Youtubing on how to swim faster. And it feels like I am failing each session.

It feels like I am losing hope, for academics as well, it feels like every climb gets steeper each time and everyone else is succeding while I am crying for help because I am struggling. It feels like I’m the only one.

Will I always be a number four? My life feels average, and I don’t like this feeling.

But I guess its like what people say, one step at a time.

But why is my progress slow? It feels like my consistency isn’t enough, but I want it to be.

I will try,

With every living piece of me.