I said goodbye to my second year of university.

Not gonna lie to you, I'm really gonna miss it. It's the first time I've had fun after a long time. I am eternally grateful. To my future self who reads this, if you are in despair just remember this year, as Allah has given you your time to be fully content and happy, and you can get through this, because Allah won't ever let you down.

I am now on my train ride back home, not home home but in Coventry. I like writing during train rides, I'm gonna make it a thing. Speaking of writing, my first article as a freelance writer is up, and I have one due soon, and will write it down when I'm home. Where was I before this? I was in Manchester and met with my friend after four years. Four years really didn't seem that long because we still talked like we were still high schoolers, laughing at the silliest jokes and looking at how far we've gone. The last time we met was in Malaysia, who would've thought the next time we meet would be in the UK? It's crazy, but also amazing and we are all truly grateful. I will never forget that. I must always be thankful. It's truly been a ride. I'm also a much happier and content person. One of the conversations we had was about gaining confidence, and I said, I truly found my confidence when I started dancing in university. She said that she never knew I could dance, and I said, yeah I've always loved dancing, but I never really showed it at school, you know why.

I remembered when the cultural club of my high school performed on Teacher's Day, and the girls were gracefully dancing on stage, and I was in awe of how beautiful the dancers and the dancing was. I've always wanted to join that club, always wanted to dance. Until a few hours later when a senior stood up and asked the female dancers to stand up and shamed them in front of 450 girls who were in the prayer hall. She said, "this is a disgrace, and I can't believe you would do this, in front of the boys, for god's sake!" And that's when I've kept my admiration towards dancing to myself.

If I go running people say that my body is not fit for a runner. If I wear the clothes I'm comfortable with they'd say it's too tight. If I speak the language I'm comfortable with, they'd say I'm a snob. If I worked hard, cried my ass off for the perfect grades and ended up getting grades lower than expected, they'd look at me with disappointment.

I would love to run away from the memories of my high school. So I only ended up keeping tabs on people I'm comfortable with, the ones who were there when I am down. The ones who embraced me when I was crying silently in my room. The ones whom I've embraced when they've had their rough times. And sometimes you lose touch, but when you meet with each other, it feels like the good memories resurface, and slowly, we forgive those who caused our bad memories.

You know what the best part is? This high school made me who I am today. Yes, it did cause me to develop severe anxiety, but with a bit of awareness and surrounding myself with positive and inspiring people, I get to fully find my own voice. So I am thankful, for the hecklers, for the supporters and for everyone whom I've met along my journey.

So yes, when I finally expressed my love towards dancing, and when I pushed myself to purchase that second hand road bike, I was finally able to see who I am. I felt somehow, accomplished. When I went to my first hip hop class and I got selected by the teacher to show my dancing, and when I completed my last lap of cycling at my first triathlon race this year. I felt it. The joy. The contentment. The freedom of saying, "yes, I did it."

It's also sad to know that I am only here for another year. And I would have to say farewell to my undergraduate journey. As a person who thinks forward, I'd like to think that one year is too short. So I have to tell myself to enjoy the moment and live my best life while I can.

And I hope life will be kind to me from now on, please. 

And if ever I need to go through a tumultuous journey, I hope to be able to face it with people who care for me. I don't want to go through them alone.