You're looking at me like I'm see through
2:55 PMHi everyone,
so if you notice, I've been writing more and more frequently. I write for various reasons, but mostly because its therapeutic. And hopefully, most of my recent posts have been quite positive, unlike the ones in the past years. 2018/19 really was my road to recovery. Also, I am at home most of the time, studying for my International Economics test. Now that I've completed my assignment.
I know no one reads this blog anymore, but what do you answer when your friend, who seemed stressed out and wanting someone to relate to asking you about your progress in the assignment, when in reality you've submitted it? I don't like to be that person who pressures her friends, because I was in their shoes before. The whole reason I would bring a conversation on an assignment up is because I want someone to relate to me. So I just blatantly said that I'm still refining some things, but it is partially a lie because I've already submitted the assignment. Would like to hear your thoughts. DM me or sumn. Hahaha.
I just got off from work today and I had so much fun. Applying to be a WWS ambassador really was the best choice I've made in second year. I was able to do so many things that I enjoy, and getting paid for it. I love talking to people, but what I love most is seeing their gleaming and curious faces as they talk about their life, and their passion.
Today, I had the privilege of talking to a Year 12 student (lower sixth form) and asked him what course is he considering to do for university. He said he's really into marketing, and that he has friends who like the same thing and he was talking non-stop, and not in the bad way you know, it's the kind of conversation that you really want to listen, because it's something really meaningful to him, and it resonates to me. Now I know how teachers feel when they have students who are really passionate. Its enjoyable to be with them. Yesterday, during my Behavioural Economics seminar, I was partnered up with a friend of mine, and we had such an insightful discussion about how to stop relative social comparison (I've talked about this in my previous post). I was giving insights from my Wellbeing module and he did some extra reading on the topic. This is what I live for when studying in university, maybe I just had unfortunate events in the past years getting paired up with the wrong people. We then proceeded to talk about the Hong Kong protests and me telling him about a politician's ear being bitten off and I unfortunately saw the image on Twitter and that I was surprised that part of his ear legitimately got detached just because someone bit it. He said that the jaw muscle is one of the strongest muscles in the body system.
I am writing these moments because I realised I needed to have this in my records, because I will miss university life, and talking to people.
I also love communicating with my friends on Instagram. As you might know, I have a severe addiction to Instagram. But with the new iOS, I was able to set a time limit on Instagram. It was hard at first, I keep having the temptation to ignore the limit every minute but I've gotten used to the limit. It allows me to concentrate more, especially at these times of requiring intensive study.
I am now studying for my International Economics test, I feel like I'm rewriting information on the same things at least three times today. But because I now I am not as smart as I used to be, so repetition is key. Understanding twin deficits properly, knowing which transaction goes into each component and other things. Balance of payments accounting messes my head because its the inverse of the accounting terms I learnt back in high school. What goes in is called credit and what goes out is debit for BoP accounting.
Then, I moved on to understanding the income asymmetry between the US and the rest of the world. Apparently, Gorbachev wrote a paper in 2001 on America's economic growth, and it really sparked my interest because I learnt about Gorbachev in my A-levels History and I also learnt about the Reagan policies during the Cold War that led to economists assuming the 'twin deficits' theory.
Side note: The thing about uni is that, we learn about things and we don't get feedback very often. So in second year, my understanding in 'twin deficits' was wrong and this came out in my second year exam. No wonder I almost failed that paper. I am still paranoid because of my results so hopefully I get to go and see my lecturer during her office hours next week to make sure my understanding is correct.
Back to Gorbachev and history of the Cold War, it really made me realise how much I loved History! I enjoy understanding about the past. What demotivated me into taking history was because I got a B for my A-levels, despite my love for the subject. We had an economic history module in first year too. But because of my mental health issues in first year, I didn't study for it well. Nothing goes into my head that year. In short, I took economic history for granted.
In conclusion, when you know people who have a mental health issue, you don't get to tell them, "so do what you like! You're just in your head! A lot of people are doing worse than you!". Because I knew if my mental health was better, I would've done my best for that module. I would be sane enough
Sorry, I just couldn't continue that line, things just got deep, hahaha. What you're allowed to say is that, "it's okay, you making out of bed is an achievement. Baby steps." Tell them you will be there for them. I didn't really have anyone to listen to me. I didn't even try looking for people to talk to, if I talk about my feelings, it will all be depressing, especially to other first years. My mental health made me avoid finding friends. I was too afraid to talk to others, because of the stigma I had in my head. Until I couldn't do it anymore. And I sought for Julie's help. I hope she's okay and well. It's been a while since it happened.
And now I get to see glimpses of the things I like in the modules I'm taking. I love the Wellbeing module I'm taking, it helps me understand the theory of how humans think, how they adapt to failure, and interventions to help in better wellbeing. I love Behavioural Economics, because I get to understand why people do what they do, why they buy what they buy, why their decision making is not rational. The module is really a breath of fresh air from all the economics nonsense I learnt in the past two years about people being rational consumers. Bruv, we are NOT rational decision makers, stop assuming things. I like Economics of Public Policy, because I genuinely like (certain parts of) microeconomics. Not gonna lie, I switched to International Economics from Market Economics (study of competition law) due to the popularity of the module and recommendations by seniors (basically not because I genuinely like it). But I ended up liking it mainly because the content is quite straightforward and the lecturer is amazing! Apparently, she won best paper for some International Economics module.
So as you can see, I've started my studying mode. I really need to, since it is my final year. I believe it will be my final year as a full-time student. So yes, I am and will go all out.
I will be writing more diary-like things more often now, so you will be looking at me like I'm see-through, but it's only because I really like writing and I like looking back at my previous posts and see how I've progressed, just as much as I like history!
0 chit-chat(s)