Giving Back
10:33 AM
I'm taking a break from the panic that is my dissertation. And hopefully this writing will enable me to extract the brain juices required for me to write a world-class dissertation, regardless of how unrealistic this may sound.
I've also just got out from a sharing session. Basically, I was invited by my friend Hairul to share my journey to the UK as an alumni to the current TGB students. I was honoured that I was chosen, as I know there are plenty of people more deserving than me. But I reckon, since it's Ramadhan, I might as well take some time off my dissertation and give these kids some motivation during this very bleak time.
Around 50 people came into the zoom meeting to hear me ramble about my UK journey. Everyone was so nice and interactive! I love how curious these young minds are and I hope I gave them some motivation for them to study abroad as well. A person even emailed me and it feels like I'm talking to my past self as she experienced a similar situation as I did when I was in TGB. It's always so endearing when people say, "I look up to you a lot!", because sometimes even I don't understand why they do, or maybe because I'm good at embellishing my life.
Anyways, this takes me back to when I was in TGB. I wrote this 5 years ago, and it reminded me of the kind of situation I had to experience, man, it is so heartbreaking.
It just takes me back to a time when they made me question my self worth so much. I felt like the only way for me to truly be myself again is to get out of that place. When one of the students asked me, "what made you feel confident to study abroad?". I was confident, because I thought that going abroad was the only way out of this horrid, judgmental place. And alhamdulillah, Allah saw my hard work, and here I am now, living my best life. Even at this trying times, I am surrounded by kind people, and in a way, it's a good thing that we are isolated, because we get to choose who we want to keep in touch with.
That sharing session made me realise how grateful I am to be where I am now. I remember the times where I had to deal with all this bullsh*t. Not only did that guy say I am not pretty, I remember him assuming that my BMI is more than 25. In my head, I thought, bruv, it's ironic how you're saying all this, but you're only a substitute swimmer, and I'm actually out there representing this school lol. But of course, I was timid, and I let his words defined me, I just wished I hadn't though.
Because in the end, it's this "not so pretty" and "BMI exceeding 25" girl who ends up sharing her experience 5 years later to her high school.
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