As you may have interpreted from my previous posts, I have been trying my best to focus on my self  this year. All my life, I cared too much of what people think. It's not even because of the way I was brought up. Sure, my family has expectations on me but when I fail to achieve them, they're completely fine so long as I am en route to become a better person. It was only a few months ago when I heard the word 'for the 'gram'. And that really hit me because it's what I have been doing this whole time. Showing off to people that I have a good life when mentally I was struggling. I really was.

So I took a step back, and post my typical tri-photos only when necessary, and not because I expect people to think I am happy.

Speaking of which, a day ago, someone my age has passed away innalillahiwainnalillahirajiun. I don't know the person personally but some mutuals have posted photos for his tribute. What struck me was that right after the tribute post, there is a picture of another acquaintance of mine posing with an alcohol in a renowned night club in London.

That contradiction really gave me a whole sense of the world. People who think life is short and people who unexpectedly left the world for the akhirah.

It just gave me a shock because I was actually complaining about how this thing I'm doing is time-consuming because I am juggling with studies and my extra-curricular studies. I have been video calling my mom and ranting to my friends on my private account as to how busy my life is and the minute after, bam, these contradictory posts occur.

O Allah, sometimes I forget how short my life is in the dunya. Sometimes I forget that I can have my last breath anytime soon. Sometimes, I forget how lucky I am to have You , protecting me even when I live around people who do things that You have prohibit your servants from. But o Allah, please help me if I ever decide to go against you, if I ever sidetrack from the pathway to You.

And it goes to you too, my readers, active and passive ones. If you EVER see me do stupid and haraam things, please could you give me a good slap and show me this post because honestly, you will help me and insyaAllah you will gain pahala for that.