Who is The Mayfly Girl?

*me*

For those who have not yet watched Sherlock (please do watch it btw), the Mayfly Man (or in my case, Girl) means someone who goes around and communicate with others and suddenly, it looks as if he doesn't exist. Poof, he's gone.

I would merely describe myself as The Mayfly Girl because, I don't have a clique. I mean, like those groups you hang with. I prefer being alone, it has been that way since Standard 3, really. Maybe its because I always have bad luck in friendships.

And, really, I just don't like being stuck in a group. I know, maybe certain people would argue with me on this, but please, everyone deserves to state their opinion. I don't like waiting for people. Yes, I do hang out with people who are close to me, but it varies. Sometimes, I hang with this clique, then the other and the best is to be alone.

Now, here comes the fear. The fear of being alone. I don't mind being alone, really. It actually gives me peace. It gives me time to think about life and all. But it's hard here in KTJ. They do have the 'eat alone in the dining hall' campaign but honestly, I still feel inferior to sit alone. Once, I sat alone and someone came up and ask, 'why are you sitting alone?', I just want to feel like sitting alone is not a crime. In TGB, I do it all the time. Because I don't have fear. Now, I'm the little fish in the big pond. I do have the fear.

Being a Mayfly is not a crime. I am a Mayfly Girl, and honestly, this is my first time admitting it in this blog which thankfully is not such a big deal (hopefully) to people around me. Cambridge or LSE or future employers, if you are doing a background check, I don't mind you reading this.

Yes, I am The Mayfly Girl. A lot of us are. That doesn't mean we are alone. We like to communicate with everyone. No matter which clique you are in, no matter how well we know each other. It is okay to be one. It is okay to sit in class alone. It is okay to eat alone. It is okay to not have one best friend or a bunch of tightly-knit friends to tell your problems to. As long as you are happy with your life, live it the way you want to.

(By the way, I do have friends to tell my problems too. Loads of them. Haha)

I also brought up this issue because I am surrounded with people who have close-friends. It's hard when you have these people and they can't seem to open their doors for you. Sometimes, it made me realize, why don't I have a best friend? Why do I always fail in friendships? Maybe I don't, but I never really made a great impact to anyone till they actually refer to me as their 'best friend'. My mom's my best friend though. She's the only one who truly knows me and knows how I feel about the world.

"Maybe because you don't need one, or you haven't found one. In any rule book created in this world, nothing states that you must have one in your age."

"But it feels lonely sometimes."

"That's why you can't count on one person only. We can only depend on Allah the Almighty."

Here's a message to those who aren't Mayflies. Do not judge us. Do not look at us the other way around. This is what we choose to be. This is our pathway. Don't look at us as if we do not fit in, rather tell yourself that it is comfortable for us to be this way.