The title is from the song I'm listening to currently.

I was looking for good music and I came across this song called "Where's My Love?" by SYML. I watched the music video and to sum it up, the girl killed herself.

Which then reminded me of 13 Reasons Why, since I haven't gotten around to talk about it.

In my opinion, I feel like the show is worth watching as it shows how one action impacts the other and as much as those people are to be blamed, it is actually her choice to end her life. They can say things like, "I wish I could have done this and that." and they realised it's too late. But there is always that part where you can actually prevent yourself from making the same mistakes.

More importantly, I'd like to talk about us, as individuals.

I am a firm believer of God. Hence, I might not know how it feels like to be an atheist. I am blessed to be with people, whom as much as it annoyed me, forced me to pray when I was a kid. Then, as I grew older, I had my own problems. And I realised why I needed to pray. I needed something to believe in. Whenever I feel like I have a bad day, I prayed. Trust me, the sadness didn't go away just like that, hence I continued praying. Only then I realised, that is why we have to pray five times a day. To keep reminding us in every part of the day, that Allah, God, is there.

Let me share you a story where I realised that indeed, Allah is there with me.

I was having a pretty shitty day. I failed my driving test. I got a call that my Maths test was not as expected. I had problems in college and my family. And there I was, in my room, alone, having another breakdown. I cannot do this. Why am I here? Why am I such a klutz? I am so, so stupid! I shouldn't belong in this world. Life would be better off without me. And I cried and cried like the weak person I was, and fell asleep.

I woke up with a sound of a knock by my houseparent, "Hello Q, would you like to go for a swim? I was recently told that our house is allocated a swimming session today." I was certain I could feel the gleam from my face as I hurried to change to my swimming clothes and went to the pool. As I was swimming, I realised, oh god, even at times like these, Allah has offered me a solution to minimise the sadness. Allah loves me. Tears fell into my goggles and fogged my vision.

Sadness is never meant to stay, nor is it meant to be removed. There will be times where these moments will resurface and all you need to do is to ensure that these feelings can be minimised. You can be sad all you want, you can express your feelings to who you want or you can keep it to yourself as much as you'd like. But trust me, these feelings are what makes us humans. We have these characters that we wish we weren't born into. Do I want to be clumsy? Do I want to hear people being angry at me everytime I lose something? No. But we learn. We learn, we learn, we learn. What do I do next? Because it all starts with yourself. Then your actions, which will impact other people's reactions. Then what is it you do next? In my case, I believed in Allah.

As some of you know, I went off Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook and Blogger for a while last year. That's because I needed time to rediscover myself. Alhamdulillah, it worked. Because I have learnt to love myself. To accept my flaws. I began to believe that Allah loves me. I began to care less about what people think of me. I did things that make me happy. Hopefully I will have time to share with you my adventures in that phase of rediscovering myself.

Always remember that there will always be people around you who can be there for you when you feel alone. You are not alone. When you take your own life, you take the life of those around you as well. Stay, as much as the world is crumbling down, just stay. It will get better, I promise you that.

Thank you readers, for witnessing my journey. I love each and everyone of you and I aspire to motivate you guys to be better. Because when you are better, you are content and you will then be able to love yourself. I love you guys so much.

Much love,

Aynn.