I can't tell you that I am hurt because I am honestly grateful. But I can't tell you that I am strong either because I am not. I am weak, I show to others that I am. Sometimes I am on the verge of tears, sometimes I can laugh as loud and be the silliest as possible.

Did you find that love you deserve? I am genuinely sorry I couldn't give to you the love you wanted. I am sorry I didn't show you enough how I cared for you. But I honestly have no regrets. I have said everything I have to say to you. Now, it is up to you to live the life the way you want to.

I hope she makes you happy, I hope she makes you feel alive, like you did when you cared for me. Or perhaps even more alive than ever before. I hope she gives you contentment, I hope she is there for you when you feel vulnerable; when everything gets too heavy on your shoulders. I am 100% certain that she does. And the lover before her. Anyone after me.

More importantly, I hope she will guide you to love yourself more than ever before. Because I failed to do so.

They told me I deserve better. You told me I deserve better. Maybe I do, and I am holding on to that so strongly.

But

What if I want to be independent; like I have always been? I only felt this way after you came into my life; the need to depend on someone. You led me to believe that you would wait for me. And that we can work. And now I have to let it go. That dependency. It is no longer worth it.

The role you played, oh how cunning you are. I thought that you'd learn from your past to never play with someone's heart. But you kept your secret for so long, you made me wait for so long. You may think a year meant nothing, but it meant everything to me. You played such a big role in my life. And now you have resigned and immediately signed up to another.

I don't regret anything anymore. I am glad that you have let me go, while you move forward ever so quickly.

I may feel empty while you feel whole now, but watch me. Watch me burn like ember, watch me shine like the star I am meant to be, watch me become better. Watch me be successful. Watch me rise from the ashes. Just wait and watch.

You do not mess with Aynn Ihsan.


Update: why the fuck was I so salty?? 😂 Chill la, ain. Wanted to delete this but I want to remind myself not to be stupid ever again 🤷🏼‍♀️ To my future self; tu lah, kau bodo sangat percayakan dia. Padan muka kau. Jangan percaya sangat lelaki ni ain. Kang kejap je dia dah meroyan.