I'm going to be 20 soon.

A pinnacle time where it is believed that I am an official adult.

By 20, I realised that the world can be so lonely.

By 20, I realised that you can be the happiest, but when that moment breaks, you become so low that nobody can save you. You are drowning but you don't know why.

By 20, I realised that even the people closest to you can't heal your inner problems. Nobody will understand how you feel except you, that's why the world gets so fucking lonely.

By 20, I realised that I will always be an anomaly. Because of the way I live. I will never belong to a certain community.

By 20, I realised that the world is so cruel. And that whatever you work hard for may go to waste, and that it is none of your control.

By 20, I know how it feels like giving up. My old self promised I won't give up. But I felt it now, and the burden carries on till the end of time.

By 20, I know how it felt like not being perfect.

By 20, I know how it feels like losing my imaan. And that for a while, I lost in touch with God.

By 20, I realised the millions of bad decisions I've made and how great of an impact it had towards me and others.

By 20, I know how it feels like isolating myself from everyone, thinking that it could heal me, but it won't.

By 20, I know how it is to be happy on the surface. And when you don't have to fake it, you're back to square one.

By 20, I know how it feels like when nobody is there for you because the world is in your hands, and you will have to deal this all by yourself.

But by 20, I also realised that I can seek help.

Because, at 20, the world will be, and shall be, in my hands.