Do you ever wonder why does your heart want the things that are bad for you?

Why do you crave for french fries and chocolate so badly?

Why do you care so much for external validation from strangers who only know you based on empty words you put out on your screen?

Why did I say yes when I can clearly say no and set better boundaries?

Why do you like a person whom you know will not be the one for you?

But I finally did it, I told the person the pent-up feelings I had for them in the past.

Because that's just who I am.

But why does it bleed even more? 

Why do I put myself in so much torture?

And perhaps where there's love, there's pain. I cannot fathom for the life of me why I am drawn to people who are just not right for me. I can always give myself a list of 'what ifs' for my own affirmation, but those 'what ifs', will stay as it is. 

Because if I truly love myself, I wouldn't do this. 

But maybe,

I love myself enough to feel this pain and anger. To feel the frustration of unrequited love, even if it was in the past. To feel angry for my actions, when I could have chosen to not do it. 

But for me to grow, I would have to take the lead. For me to truly love myself, I have to put myself out there. To not be ashamed of being vulnerable. To be able to love without expecting anything in return. 

And eventually, to set myself free, 

so that I can finally let go of this love and pain.