I was willing to sign up for a boarding school and leave my all-girls school bubble just so I could get the chance for an early harvest scholarship so that I could get an earlier start in studying abroad. I made it an aim to be one of the youngest Kumon completer in my centre just because. I wanted to start work early just so that I could say that I started work at a young age.

I did secure that scholarship, I did become of the youngest Kumon completer, and perhaps I did start work early on.

But what I did not realise was the cost of it. I became that gifted burnt out kid at an early age. I realised that maybe I wasn’t that smart after all. There were indeed others smarter than me and back then, I wasn’t okay with that. And I realised I never got around to slowing down. 

Someone made me realise that I scold myself too much. But isn’t that what you do when you know you’re capable? When you know that you can do better than this? 

But perhaps, when I sit down and realise, oh, I have been doing a lot this year. I started swimming intensely this year, I couldn’t cope with the fatigue afterwards, but I pushed through, or at least try to. Oftentimes I go for runs in the evening because I was meant to do a half marathon this year, or dance kpop with my friends solely because I want to. An impressionist artist once said along these lines, “I want to do everything, and my head is bursting with it.”

And isn’t that what you would want to do too? To be great? 

But I realised that oftentimes, in an effort to be great, I stretched myself too thin, and I end up being a master of none. And eventually postpone these plans to a later date. Perhaps disappointing others in the process.

And that now and then I’d have to tell myself, everything has its own time. Your time to be a good runner will come. Your time to be an Ironman will come. Your time to do your studies will come. In time, you will be able to be the great person you’re meant to be. But for now, let’s take it one step at a time, shall we?