“Sejak bila I ada tunjuk I suka you?”

“Oh shit, I forgot he said that to you.” 

A conversation with me and a friend ensued, we debriefed on last year’s incident. He has warned me beforehand not to attempt to date outwardly religious guys. 

“Well, ya boi tried.”

I recently came across a post that said, isn’t it funny how our minds do that? How we’ll build an entire house with someone who never agreed to even walk the front door?

Our minds can do so many things. And if we entertain them enough, you have a fantastic, whimsical imagination that can easily be snapped with a simple “no, I don’t like you that way.”

And so your rational soul works hard to shatter those thoughts before it even began. 

But guess what? Maybe being a lovergirl isn’t such a bad thing. Instead of shaming yourself and say, why would you invest so much energy liking, no, loving someone whom you won’t, and eventually, don’t feel the same way? The ending is always like that anyways right? You love others so much, only for them to see it as a kind act from a friend. On occasions where I get to keep these feelings to myself, I just distance myself from them when I find out bow they feel about me, which is, a friend, and eventually end up truly becoming each other’s close friends. On occasions where I was forced to reveal the truth, I had to let them go, and the friendship is ruined for good. But it was a good thing because perhaps, he was never a good friend to begin with. The caricature of the perfect person was only in my head. 

And nowadays I find myself thinking, what’s so wrong about being a lovergirl? It just means I am capable of loving. I put my heart and soul in everything and everyone I care about. I romanticize my life, from when I wake up, and until I sleep.

[i lost my train of thoughts, to be continued in the next post]