13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do – A Review 

I would usually post on my IG story and give a short review on the book I have read. But in this case, this book deserves a full-on review because of how good it is. Hence, I will try my best to summarise this book, which is perhaps one of the most eye-opening self-help books I’ve read thus far. Since Amy Morin mentions 13 things mentally strong people don’t do, I shall divide my summary according to these 13 points she had raised in her book. Also, it isn’t an Aynn essay if I don’t add in my personal experience from these. Hence, enjoy listening to my life stories as you go through this review.

1.     1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry For Themselves

I will admit first hand that I was a person who liked to do a pity party. I spent years and years pulling a pity party to a point where it became hard for me to move on from it. Amy says that when you feel sorry for yourself, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

Thus, you will always be stuck in that rut, in that situation where you can’t move on from your past, or from the challenge that you are going through. Therefore, she suggests keeping a gratitude journal and list things that you are grateful for to remind ourselves of our fortunes and blessings.

In my second year, I kept an empty mineral bottle where I would write the things I was grateful for. Past me would have been pessimistic because of how badly I performed academically, but I’ve developed so many meaningful relationships with other people and have grown so much, and for that I am so grateful and believe that I am in a much better place till today.

2.    2.  They Don’t Give Away Their Power

Mentally strong people don’t allow others to define them. I remembered in high school when I returned from my swimming tournament crying to my mom about my fellow swim mate telling me that I am not pretty. She said, “They don’t define you, you define who you are.” And I held that thought since.

Why should we let other people dictate our self worth? Honestly, if I allowed that person to define me based on my looks, I would never get to where I am today. Instead, I used the words they spewed on me as a fuel for me to work harder to get out of that place; to ensure that I get the scholarship to study abroad. I knew that my high school is one of the top performing schools in Malaysia, hence I capitalised that as a way to attract scholarship bodies to choose me as their scholar. 

I hope anyone who reads this understand that people can say so much about you. But when you stop hearing those noises from others, and focus on what you can do to be the best version of yourself, you will be okay and it’s what makes you stronger.

3.     3. They Don’t Shy Away From Change

Amy Morin mentions a few types of change which include, “all-or-nothing change, behavioural change, habit change, try something new change.” In this chapter, she also mentions the five stages of change, which I won't go in further because if you actually decide to read the book, I'd deprive you of the enjoyment. But useful to mention here as it is a practical way in noticing change.

I’m sure people would want to start afresh. Be it on New Year’s, or after a haircut, but one way or another, people crave for change. But how willing are we to commit to the change? Whether it’d be changing from going to the movies every weekend to starting the weekend with a run, or changing your attitude in lashing out to your loved ones at home after a row with your boss at work; it surely is hard. 

But if you want to be mentally strong, change (for the better) is what you need.

4.     4. They Don’t Focus on Things They Can’t Control

Mentally strong people do not focus on things they cannot control and talks about what happens when they do so. It leads to increased anxiety, and because it is something you can’t control, it is inevitable, and you end up giving up on life and never making any progress.

The author talks about having an internal and external locus of control. People with external locus of control are people who thinks that things that happen to them are due to luck ad that “whatever’s meant to be, it’ll be.”, whereas people with internal locus of control are those who think they have complete control of life. Morin endorses developing a balanced sense of control by encouraging readers to observe things that they can and can’t control and focus more on what they can control. 

I remember having so much anxiety from getting fails and third class for my tests in second year. Hence, I listed down on my journal a list of what I can control and can’t control. I can’t control my test results as they have already been marked and finalised. But I can control the way I revise for my upcoming summer exams. 

I ended up getting a lower second class in second year, which to most people believe is a big bummer. I spent a few hours releasing the sadness stemming from that result but spent my time from midnight to 3am devising a way to save my grades in final year. Eventually, with the right motivation and support system, I am able to achieve an upper second class, a result I am so proud of. With that result, I can go to many places and perhaps continue my studies should I want to. 

5.     5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

This chapter is honestly such a personal attack for me, and I am glad that I bought this book because I can always go back to this chapter. 

Do you ever get caught doing things for the sake of other people, at the expense of your own happiness? And because you do things for other people and not for you, you feel like life doesn’t have an actual purpose because you don’t live your life according to your own means. 

I hope you know that mentally strong people don’t please people. I know what you think, “What if they get angry or disappointed at me?”. Morin says everyone has a way in dealing with their emotions, but you don’t owe anyone anything if whatever they tell you to do defeats your values. 

Therefore, analyse your own values and stick to it. Don’t please people who defeat your values.

6.     6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

Ahh, this reminds me of the post I wrote about Life Lessons. Don’t be afraid to take calculated risks! It is only when you take risks when you maximise your success. 

Fear always takes place when you want to do something bold. This year during Valentine’s Day, I wrote something personal that happened to me because I saw a post about a girl feeling so dejected after breaking up with her boyfriend, making her lose her sense of self-worth. It felt so scary posting something so personal and heartbreaking.

But the minute I hit the post button, I received so many responses from my friends and acquaintances showing their support and sharing similar stories to mine. It made me feel, hey, looks like I’m not alone in this after all. I even made some friends from this post and it made me feel safe because people are so supportive of me, and that I won’t ever have to face this alone. 

While I may never completely remove my fear of rejection, I hope I will always be a risk taker. And if it fails, it won’t make me lose my self-worth.

7.    7.  They Don’t Dwell on The Past

I think, my biggest regret is that I dwelled so much on the past, it disabled me from moving on. This is one of my favourite chapter off this book, because it emphasises that instead of dwelling on the past, I can always learn from it and think about what I can do to be better for my future. 

It is a beautiful chapter and something so personal for me. I used to be resentful of the people who hurt me in the past, but when I started to shift my thinking to this, I am more thankful of them, because they made me resilient, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

8.   8.   They Don’t Make The Same Mistakes Over and Over

This is a perfect continuation to chapter 7. Because mentally strong people always take away something from their mistakes. They reflect from their mistakes, despite how uncomfortable it is. Then, they make sure that they won’t repeat the same mistakes again. It’s amazing how much we can learn from our experience. 

So I encourage you to think of what you’ve done wrong in the past, and what can you do in the future to ensure you don’t make the same mistakes. 

9.    9.  They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success