Before I begin, I would like to remind everyone to please cool down after doing your workout. Today, I did a very intense home workout and because I was late for work I decided to skip my long stretch. And now my legs have to suffer as a consequence, so please do your cool down!

So the second thing I did in the midst of 'sorting my life out' is to really strengthen my relationship with God. God encompasses of everything in the world and the hereafter, His knowledge and wisdom is boundless, so it can be quite overwhelming to know where to start. But I also do know that to love God is to love His prophet, our prophet, Rasulullah S.A.W. While I know his stories by heart, I start to wonder, do I know it well enough? So my intention is to really go in-depth in getting to know him. So I started with understanding the women surrounding him. Yesterday, I learnt about his first love, Saidatina Khadijah R.A.

This brings me back to a conversation I had with my housemate. I should write a post about them soon, because it really felt like I was living with angels, for real *crying emoji*. She was saying about how she was reading up on Saidatina Khadijah, and how she was exhibiting queen behaviour for shooting her shot to Rasulullah S.A.W. Mind you, this is during Jahiliyah times, when sexism was a huuugee thing. She really did that, all while having a business empire and being the most respected and influential women in Makkah. When my housemate said that, I was like wow, she really focused on building her career first until she found her one true love. She asked the Prophet's hand in marriage when she was 40. Her assertiveness really made me inspired to learn more about her.

I turned on the podcast about her, and I realised that I admired her for the dunya-related things. What I didn't know was that, she was always in search for the truth. She was brought up in the Pagan times, and she was always on the lookout for the truth and always having a thirst for knowledge. Someone once told her, "I think a prophet has been descended upon us, and it is Muhammad S.A.W. Lookout for the clouds, the clouds are following him wherever he goes." 

Khadijah started noticing this, and it enticed her to get to know him better. Hence, she asked a middle-man, Maisarah, to ask Muhammad S.A.W if he is willing to be her husband, and told him about the prophecy. Prophet Muhammad S.A.W said, "if it is true that I am the Prophet, then here I am, but if I am not, then the One whom you are seeking had done all these for will reward you abundantly."

It's beautiful isn't it? She loved him and was intrigued by him because she was in the quest for Allah, the truth. Since it is a pandemic, I question a lot about love, and most of us tend to romanticise artificial love a lot, for instance, loving for lust and appearance, or loving someone because they felt the need to have a company. When really, the best love comes from the purest intentions; in seeking the truth, in seeking God's blessings and mercy.

Rasulullah S.A.W was 40 when Jibril came to him in Gua Hira' to tell him that he is a Prophet. He was left shaken, and when he got back home, Saidatina Khadijah wrapped him up in blanket to comfort him and was the first person to convert to Islam. She was the only one that believed in him when everyone else thought he was crazy. She helped in gaining food supplies when those who converted to Islam were banned by community and she empowered Rasulullah S.A.W in giving his da'wa. 

When Saidatina Khadijah R.A. passed away, Rasulullah S.A.W. grieved. He lost the love of his life and also his beloved uncle. Hence, Allah gave him the Isra' and Mi'raj experience to help him with his grief. Even after her passing, Rasulullah S.A.W honoured her and would say nothing but the best things about Saidatina Khadijah R.A. 

Suddenly I am remembering a recent conversation I had with a newfound friend. She said, "I can't wait for my boyfriend to take me out of this house." and I figured, if that's what makes her happy I respect that. For me, if I were to live independently, I want to do it on my own merit, I really want to be successful independently. I would hate it if I had to depend on other people. Because, even the slightest departure of the people I'm close to will hurt me, so time and time again, I've learnt to always stand on my own two feet. 

Saidatina Khadijah R.A., you are a true idol. You are an exemplary of what a woman should be. Independent, brilliant, loving, caring, assertive, successful, entrepreneurial. You are an all-rounder, and I hope, if Allah grants me Jannah (chills even as I mention this because I am far from being a good muslimah lol), I hope I get to meet you and we become best buddies haha.