Risk Taker
9:27 AMApparently this was a draft from January, then I scrolled my page to find another post (reverted to draft) with a similar title last year. And that was before I found out I got into risk management! The irony!
Hello everyone! And welcome to my late night write-up. I feel like I haven't written here for a very long time, and what prompted me to show up here was because I saw my Instagram archives, this time last year I had my final swim session with Tony and Julie and immediately wrote I Regret Nothing.
It truly did feel like yesterday, and here I am having a quarter life crisis, but grateful regardless because amid the chaos, I am able to see the twin towers being lit very vividly on my left.
For someone who is in risk management, I do talk a lot about taking risks (risk managers are known to be risk averse). Sometimes it may backtrack, hence why, my current Whatsapp icon is, "The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math."
Last week, I did something that I thought I wouldn't do. At the back of my head, I thought, if I don't do this now, I will definitely regret it later. Because really, I have plenty of regrets in the past, and as I grew older, I realised that there is nothing wrong with taking that big leap, so long as it contributes to your growth, and when you look back, you don't ever have to ask yourself the "what ifs".
Because given the choice, what will you do?
When you have a desire to do something, you fantasize, or manifest the idea of it in your head. That's where you start forming your "what ifs" and mind you, this is all in your head. "If I get this thing, I will definitely be happy." "If I do this, I will be a star."
Then the insecurity sets in, and you find yourself imagining the worst case scenario when you actually want to act on it. Because really, to be honest, dreams always start with one tiny act. But you know all too well that not all dreams come true, and hearts may break, and if you hold on to this belief for far too long, you miss that golden opportunity. You lament on the past and think, "oh man, I wished I had done it when I had the chance."
but what if you actually did that one simple step?
What if you pressed the submit button to the job you really want to apply but you know you aren't qualified for? What if you actually talked to the person you really adore instead of admiring them from afar? What if you actually pressed the Youtube button and looked up for a "15 minute workout"?
Does the thought of wanting the best for you scare you?
Because my friends, only when you start that simple step, will you see the outcome.
And only at this point, will you also do everything to the best of your ability.
Because to be honest, I'd rather live a life without regret than live a life with "what ifs"
If the outcome turns out to be in your favour, then congratulations! You deserve to take pride of your own initiative and can always thank yourself for making it this far.
But if the outcome backfires?
So what? You only did it because you want what's best for you. For your growth. Got rejected from your dream job? Find another one and build your skills so that you can come back to the dream job with a much improved version of you. The person ended up being someone unlikeable? There will be so many others who will be your tribe and support your growth. The workout sucked? Try a different one until you find one that fits your passion.
It sucks when your expectations do not come alive. It really does. But if you did foresee the worst case scenario beforehand, at least you know how to take care of it now. Instead of saying "I knew this was going to backfire!", perhaps just sit on that feeling for a while; validate it. Cry it out. Dance it out. Talk it out with a friend. You know you can deal with this, then once you get back up, you can try again.
And know that perhaps the thing that you think is good for you may be bad for you, and the thing that you think is bad for you may be bad for you. God knows and you know not. Quran 2:216.
I think for me it gives me a lot of assurance in knowing that Allah really has got my back whenever I take risks. Because I've already confided in Him, I asked Him to give me the strength to do the things I've always wanted to because it will be of benefit to me one way or another. And if it doesn't turn out the way I want it to be, He is always there to cushion my sadness, regardless.
So Aynn, read this whenever you want something so badly; take risks,
and know that whatever it is, Allah's got your back.
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