Perhaps you can say that I am en route to the 180 change compared to who I was earlier this year. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I can't fall back to my old traits. There are days when I am so exhausted, all I want to do is rest, but time does not allow me to. I feel lazy. 

Which of the blessings of the Lord will I deny?

I asked God for Him to change my life for the better, because even I couldn't stand seeing myself feeling so dejected and worthless. Yet, while I have the opportunity to do so, I complain. I don't strive to be the best. 

Which of the blessings of the Lord will I deny?

I am on my way to being vulnerable again, I don't like that feeling, that feeling when I open up to people. I wish I wasn't such an open book, then again, I wish I wasn't too hard on myself. Now I am back to being anxious.

Which of the blessings of the Lord will I deny?

My biggest fear is that all these will be temporary and that if I don't have this, I might fall back to my old traits. I want to be a person who is not dependent on external sources to feel worthy. I want to feel worthy and capable on my own. I want to work hard. I want to be passionate. Why am I not acting like I am grateful? Am I overthinking this? If I let this feeling run in me, will it soon walk away out of fatigue? I want to work hard, I want to show to God that I am grateful for what He has given me

Which of the blessings of the Lord will I deny?

I am grateful. I am grateful I am here now. I am grateful I have tons of people to support me. I am grateful that I have all that I need. Allah has given me everything. Now it is all up to me to be the best version of myself.

Which of the blessings of the Lord will I deny?