Let me let you in on a little secret.

I once had frequent dreams of reuniting with someone from my past. I often find it weird how that person always popped up in my dream. Then, when I found another person to attach my heart to, I dreamt about the said person. I have to keep telling myself that these are just dreams, and the reality is starkly different.

Unfortunately, this time round, I started to have nightmares. Scabs from my mind which I’d scratch and bleed only for it to appear again. 

I never really paid attention to what I envision at night, but when I remember, it’s always something too sweet or too bitter. And the scarring will be different this time around, because these people I see, are those who might never want to make peace with me ever.

Perhaps it was my internal emotions visualised to life. The repercussions if I want to do what I’ve always wanted to do. But time and time again, I find that there are no allies in my team. If you even want to call it a team. It is just me, and a pack of people, who want to destroy me to the core.

What’s worse is that, it’s my own blood.

Perhaps that’s the harsh reality, in the end, you truly walk alone. In the end, those whom you think you can count on, will be the first to knock you down. Worst part is when they’re not some mere stranger.

But I guess nightmares are merely nightmares, only, because of this, I am too afraid to go to sleep. What if I see them killing me in my sleep again? 

I hold on to these words I tell myself, “they can bring you down, but you can always keep your chin up.”

I will focus on myself, as I always do. I will become the person they won’t ever expect me to be. They expect that I stay the little timid girl that I was before, and the minute I open my mouth, they shun me away like a plague. So why do I deserve these nightmares? 

They can take everything away from me, but I am only growing stronger. 

And perhaps, this lullaby will put me to sleep.