In my many sessions with her over the past year, she has mostly told me not to scold myself. And when shit hits the fan, she was there during my darkest times, and my sessions with her gave me the clarity I needed to be where I am today.

One thing she told me is to not scold myself. And additionally, to feel the emotions as it is. I swear I thought I didn’t suppress it. But why do I spend some days crying over what happened last year? Either on my own, or with friends.

I told myself I need to fight it, even when it longs to be felt. But am I suppressing it by doing so? Am I supposed to suppress it? Of course! Otherwise I will be distracted of my main goal, or at least that’s what the strict mother in me would say.

Or maybe, it is okay to feel that way. It is okay to go onto the grass and view the stars on your own. It is okay to write on your journal, scold yourself a bit, and write out your real emotions. It is okay to feel all the feelings you thought are negative, maybe you suppressed it for too long, they long to breathe. They want to be free. 

And it’s okay you know. You only have about a month here. Enjoy this moment, one you’ll never get ever again.